Cool Sayings!

March 31, 2008 at 5:43 am (Fun For The Day)

1. A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.

2. A will is a dead giveaway.

3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

4. A backward poet writes inverse.

5. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.

6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

7. If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.

10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

11. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

12. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

13. You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

14. Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.

15. He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.

16. A calendar’s days are numbered.

17. A lot of money is tainted: ‘Taint yours, and ‘taint mine.

18. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

19. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

20. A plateau is a high form of flattery.

21. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.

22. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

23. When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.

24. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

25. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.

26. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

27. Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.

28. Acupuncture: a jab well done.

29. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.

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Squirider

March 21, 2008 at 5:31 pm (Totally Random)

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Bulletin Bloopers

March 21, 2008 at 12:36 am (Fun For The Day) (, , )

* Don’t let worry kill you. Let the Church help.
* Thursday night-Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
* Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
* For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
* The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
* This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
* Tuesday at 4PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
* Wednesday, the Ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing “Put Me In My Little Bed” accompanied by the pastor.
* Thursday at 5PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the minister in his private study.
* This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
* The service will close with “Little Drops of Water”. One of the ladies will start (quietly) and the rest of the congregation will join in.
* Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper.
* The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.
* A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
* At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.
* Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
* The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
* Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.
* 8 new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
* Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.
* The Senior Choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
* Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who is preparing for the girth of their first child.
* Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
* The Lutheran Men’s group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
* The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: “I Upped My Pledge–Up Yours.”
* The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing “Break Forth into Joy.”
* Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say “hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
* Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
* During the absence of our Pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.
* Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.
* Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
* The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.
* Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 pm.–prayer and medication to follow.

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The Defenition Of Parkour

March 20, 2008 at 4:51 pm (Free-Running (Parkour)) (, , , , , )

A traceur performs a cat balance, which in French is called an équilibre de chat.

A traceur performs a cat balance, which in French is called an équilibre de chat.

Parkour (sometimes abbreviated to PK) or l’art du déplacement[1] (English: the art of displacement) is an activity with the aim of moving from one point to another as efficiently and quickly as possible, using principally the abilities of the human body.[2][3] It is meant to help one overcome obstacles, which can be anything in the surrounding environment — from branches and rocks to rails and concrete walls — and can be practiced in both rural and urban areas. Parkour practitioners are referred to as traceurs, or traceuses for females.[4]

Founded by David Belle in France, parkour focuses on practicing efficient movements to develop one’s body and mind to be able to overcome obstacles in an emergency.

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Gluten-Free Diet: GF Recipes: Sinful Chocolate Pie

March 20, 2008 at 4:48 pm (Gluten Free recipes.) (, , )

Ingredients

1 c GF baking mix
1 stick margarine
1 c pecans, chopped
1 8-oz pkg cream cheese
1 c powdered sugar
1 12-oz pkg whipped topping
1 3-oz pkg GF chocolate pudding
3 c milk, divided
grated chocolate
1 3-oz pkg vanilla pudding (or substitute pistachio pudding)

Directions

To make crust, mix flour, margarine and pecans; press into a 9×13-inch pan. Bake 25 minutes at 325 degrees. Let cool. Mix cream cheese, powdered sugar and one cup of the whipped topping. Layer over cooled crust. Mix chocolate pudding with 1 1/2 cup milk, according to the directions on the package. Pour over cream cheese layer. Let stand 20 minutes in refrigerator until set. Mix vanilla (or pistachio) pudding with remaining 1 1/2 cup milk. Pour over the chocolate layer. Let stand 20 minutes in refrigerator. Top with remaining whipped topping and sprinkle with grated chocolate. Refrigerate until ready to serve.

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Gluten-Free Diet: GF Recipes: Mint Forgotten Cookies

March 20, 2008 at 4:47 pm (Gluten Free recipes.) (, , )

Ingredients

6 oz mint chocolate chips
2 egg whites
1/2 c pecans, finely chopped
3/4 c sugar
4 to 5 drops green food coloring
pinch of salt

Directions

Turn oven to 350 degrees. Beat egg whites until stiff. Fold in sugar and salt. Add chocolate chips and pecans. Cover cookie sheet with aluminum foil, shiny side up. Using small teaspoon, drop cookie batter onto the cookie sheet.

TURN OVEN OFF! Put in oven and forget until the next morning. DO NOT OPEN THE OVEN DOOR UNTIL MORNING! NO PEEKING!

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My Dog Is Better Than Your Dog!!!

March 20, 2008 at 4:04 am (Fun For The Day) (, , , )

My dog does my math for me HA!! Here is my dog Pauletta doing my Math homework for me.

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Age is a Funny Thing

March 20, 2008 at 3:47 am (Fun For The Day) (, , )

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids?
If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
“How old are you?”
“I’m 4 and half.”

You’re never 36 and a half, but you’re 4 and a half going on 5! That’s the key.
You get into your teens, now they can’t hold you back. You jump to the next number.
“How old are you?”
“I’m gonna be 16.”

You could be 12, but you’re gonna be 16.
And then the greatest day of your life happens: you become 21.
Even the words sounds like a ceremony–you BECOME 21. YES!!!!
But then you turn 30. Ooohhh, what happened here?? Makes you sound like bad milk. He TURNED.
We had to throw him out. There’s no fun now. What’s wrong?? What changed???
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you’re PUSHING 40…stay over there, it’s all slipping away…
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you’re PUSHING 40, you REACH 50…my dreams are gone…
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you’re PUSHING 40, you REACH 50 and then
you MAKE IT to 60…Whew! I didn’t think I’d make it.
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, You’re PUSHING 40, you REACH 50, you MAKE IT to 60, and
by then you’ve built up so much speed, you HIT 70!
After that, it’s a day by day thing. You HIT Wednesday, you get into your 80s, you HIT lunch.
I mean my grandmother won’t even buy green bananas, “Well it’s an investment, you know, and maybe a bad one.”
And it doesn’t end there…Into the 90’s, you start going backwards: I was JUST 92. Then a strange thing happens, if you make it over 100, you become a little kid again: I’m 100 and a half!!
Age is a funny thing.

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Age

March 20, 2008 at 3:47 am (Fun For The Day) (, , )

Age

A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.

Middle age is having a choice of two temptations and choosing the one that will get you home earlier.

You know you’re into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

I don’t date women my age. There aren’t any. (Milton Berle)

Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.

Don’t take life so seriously … it’s not permanent.

The trouble with life is, by the time you can read a girl like a book, your library card has expired. (M. Berle)

As for me, except for an occasional heart attack, I feel as young as I ever did. (Robert Benchley)

The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress.

As we grow older year by year, my husband always mourns: the less and less we feel our oats, the more we feel our corns.

I have everything I had 20 years ago, only it’s all a little bit lower. (Gypsy Rose Lee)

You’re getting old when getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.

You’re getting old when you’re sitting in a rocker and you can’t get it started.

You’re getting old when tying one on means fastening your MedicAlert bracelet.

You’re getting old when you don’t care where your wife goes, just so you don’t have to go along.

You’re getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn’t do anything the night before.

Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news– the good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.

It’s hard to be nostalgic when you can’t remember anything.

You know you’re getting old when you stop buying green bananas.

Last Will and Testament: Being of sound mind, I spent all my money.

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Actual Newspaper Headlines.

March 20, 2008 at 3:46 am (Fun For The Day) (, , )

newspaper.jpg

  • British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
  • Eye Drops off Shelf
  • Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
  • Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
  • Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
  • Miners Refuse to Work after Death
  • Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
  • Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
  • Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
  • Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
  • Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in `84
  • If Strike isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
  • Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
  • Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
  • Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
  • Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
  • Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
  • New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
  • Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
  • Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
  • British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
  • Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
  • Air Head Fired
  • Steals Clock, Faces Time
  • Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni
  • Man Loses Legs, Vows to Continue Arms Protest

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